I want to wallow in my bitterness and fear. Its safer there.
I can sit at home alone, afraid of falling in love. Never taking a risk. Never giving myself fully to anyone.
It hurt to much last time. It hurt so much.
And in my imagination, my future love will save me from my isolation. He will do everything it takes to win my love. He will break the ice surrounding my heart. And my life will be happily ever after.
Like a romance movie.
And until that happens, I will be the cold isolated person I am.
I will be like the Miranda July story, in which I go home to check my mail, even though everyone I know is throwing me a party. Even though everyone is saying life was a cruel joke, and you made it. I will rather sit at home alone in the bath.
And thats who I am today.
