Part of me is happy when I am sick.
I am not happy to be sick, I am happy when there is something actually wrong.
I am under constant fear that I make myself sick-psychosomatic illness.
I had anxiety attacks as a kid, in which I couldn’t breathe.
I got chest pains-so my doctor sent me to therapy.
I get sick to my stomach a lot. -my doctor said I might be bulimic… I wasn’t sticking a finger down my throat.
So when I am really sick, it means I am NOT CRAZY. It means that the pain I feel is not just in my head.
I need to be diagnosed with something , at least when I feel physically sick, because it makes me sane.
So today, I find out I have a gall stone.
Which would explain why I have been sick to my stomach on and off for years.
I also have something mysterious from the x-ray in my hip. I need more tests. Which means, that pain in my hip is not in my head.
Its horrible to be semi-happy to have something wrong, but its much much worse to always wonder if you are crazy.
